Ep. 84 How to Stay Committed

Hi, and welcome to the mindful shape podcast. My name is Paula Parker and I'm a life and weight loss coach. So recently I've been doing some physical therapy for my hips are really tight. My back is giving me some trouble, you know, a couple of pregnancies kind of takes its toll. And so anyways, I'm working with this physical therapist. And what I've kind of noticed with working with her is that things about myself that I just take it for granted. So one of the things in coaching, of course, is always just kind of getting to know yourself more. What I'm noticing with working with this physical therapist is that I am somebody who likes big range of motion type of movement.

And I didn't really know this about myself before. So For example, I would really rather prefer doing like interval running. So like sprints rather than a slow steady jog. So even when I go for a run, I'm going to do. Times where I run really fast and then I'll kind of slow it down, but that's just naturally the way I run.

I also was really into kickboxing before. And one of the reasons why I started doing this physical therapy is so that I can get back to that. But again, kickboxing, right? It's big, fast movements, big motion. If I do yoga, I'm definitely going to do the vinyasa or the power yoga, right? Versus hatha or yin, something like that.

So. In physical therapy, it comes up because what I'm working on is more like deep core stuff. So that's all about really subtle shifts. So really paying attention. And it's more foundational changes where for me and my brain and my personality, there's no big payoff. It's not like you're doing kickboxing where it just feels really good.

And it's like that feedback loop. It's very subtle. And I think that in general, most people are like that when it comes to weight loss, we are obsessed with big changes, but unfortunately, when it comes to weight loss, it's a process. And so it's more about what we do more often than not these small, tedious, boring things Transcribed Like physical therapy, right?

That add up over time and then create the big change. So it requires commitment. So that's what this episode is going to be focused on. It's how to stay committed to do all the small, tedious, boring things. Okay. That add up over time that will ensure that you do release the weight that you want and reach your natural weight.

So last episode, I talked about making a decision consciously to release the The weight, making that decision. We typically make decisions to make any kind of big change in our life. Like, you know, releasing 50 pounds from a place of despair and self loathing or a place of excitement and hope. So you're so fed up that you're just ready to try anything to get the weight off, or you start a new program and you're feeling really excited and super hopeful about that vision that you have for yourself, that end result.

So like the after picture that you have in your head, and that is what's driving you the only problem with using. Self loathing and excitement as fuel to drive that decision to release the weight is that it's just poor quality, right? So they're kind of like diesel when we're looking for some premium fuel here Okay So when you are in self loathing when that is driving you to make decisions You're likely to quit as soon as that initial pain that deep pain subsides a bit So, what does this look like?

It could be like, okay, so you lose the first five pounds and then you start noticing your brain is making justifications to overeat. So, my clothes are fitting a little bit better. I'm not in so much self loathing and agony. So, you know, I've got this now and I can have a little extra this or that. I can have an extra glass of wine or I can have dessert even though I've had it a couple times this week.

The other problem I see is that when you're in self loathing and you don't see results right away, so let's say two weeks go by and the scale hasn't moved, you already feel so terrible. You think, well, what's the point? You know, screw it. I'm just going to eat. So I think a lot of us can relate to that.

It's maybe what kicked off this journey for you. So what about excitement and hopefulness? What could possibly go wrong here? Right? Don't you want to be excited and hopeful? Sure. It's normal and fun to start a program and be thinking, you know, wow, this could be it. You know, you could finally reach your natural weight and be one of those people that's just take it or leave it when it comes to food.

One of, maybe even one of those people who forgets to eat. Like, how is that possible? Right? To really feel in charge. around food, no matter what. Only problem when it comes to excitement is that it doesn't last. So excitement burns off. It just does. It won't matter if you are seeing the scale go down or you aren't.

Either way, eventually that exuberant feeling, it just peters out. So I've known this for myself. I've seen it in clients. And then I was listening to a podcast on neuroscience and it was explaining a psychological process called habituation. So your brain becomes used to things both good and bad. Over time we all know this it's like the novelty effect, right?

Your brain becomes habituated to them So I'll give you an example. So in our kitchen we put up a picture Maybe a couple of months ago now and as soon as it went up, I complained to my husband Oh, you know like we have to redo it. It's way too high and It was really bothering me every time I went into the kitchen.

It just The whole space felt off. I just was very particular about it. It was driving me crazy and I couldn't think about anything else. And I was kind of annoyed with him that he wasn't taking it down. And I know you're thinking, well, why don't you just do it yourself? And I definitely could, but Me and power drills and all that kind of stuff.

I don't, I don't like doing it. So he said he would do it anyways. I wanted it to be lower. It just looked very off. We didn't get to it. And now I don't even notice it. I don't even notice it at all. My brain just got really used to it. And what I think is really interesting is that. Our brains habituate at different rates.

So your brain might habituate to something slower or faster than somebody else that you know, like your partner, your best friend, meaning the speed at which your brain adapts to any kind of new stimuli varies from person to person. So it depends on various factors. So it could be your genetics, it could be just your brain chemistry is different from somebody else's, your personality, past experience that you've had, and even environmental factors.

So I don't know the details on this. I basically just did the research and that's what came up. Okay. But essentially the point is you're likely to be on the continuum when it comes to habituation. And I'll talk about the implications of what it might mean for you in weight loss to be someone who habituates quickly versus slowly.

If you are someone who isn't really easily distracted maybe you practice a lot of mindfulness and you do presence exercises, maybe meditation, tai chi, or things like that, you might be somebody who, for whom it takes longer to habituate than other people. I think I might fall into this category. I'm not too sure, but the reason I think that is that I don't know if you get that Spotify wrapped at the end of the year, if you listen to Spotify, they send you a list of like, kind of what you listen to and where you rank and that kind of thing.

And I will always get you know, this ranking. That I have listened to a song in like the top 2%. Okay. So we're talking like, think of how many millions of people are listening to Spotify. And so a couple of years ago, it was the Taylor Swift song cowboy, like me, I was like, here, I had my son 2021. And.

I think we both had that one memorized and he was a newborn. I was in the top 2 percent on Spotify for that one. My song that I love right now that I am, I just listen to it on repeat. I just, I don't get sick of it, right? Like my brain just does not habituate to songs that I love. So the one that I'm, that I'm really loving right now, if you care, you want to check it out, it's called Prada.

Just like the brand, but it's the acoustic version. So it's not the electronica version. No, it's the acoustic version. So check it out and see if you like it. Let me know, send me a DM. Okay. So the upside, if you were like me and it just takes you a longer time to habituate to things, to new stimuli, the upside here is that you can coast on those good vibes of starting something new and that inspiration and that initial excitement for longer.

Before you start to feel a little less motivated on the flip side, though, it might also mean that you habituate to things being crappy. Okay. So it takes more intense pain for you to actually make a move. When it comes to weight loss, this might mean you stay what we think of as like off track Okay, and indulge in overeating and other kind of self defeating behavior for longer than other people Before you decide, okay enough's enough, right?

So think of days or weeks versus hours or a day Or maybe your brain habituates more quickly. So you listen to a song that you love and then you're kind of like, that's enough. I can't listen to that song anymore. I get really sick of songs that I like on the radio or whatever. Actually who listens to the radio?

I don't know. So in that case, you have a lower threshold for negativity. Less tolerance before you feel motivated to take action. But the downside is that all that excitement that you have in the beginning of starting something is going to wear off really quickly. I think that how this might show up in weight loss is if you are someone who's constantly Looking for new programs.

So if you are researching weight loss all of the time, if you're always looking for new strategies and different plans and programs before you even finish the one that you're on. So that's just a hunch of mine, but I think potentially that's how it could show up, but either way, you can just expect that.

Whatever weight loss program you embark on, no matter the rate of habituation that you have, that your brain has, it's going to happen eventually. Okay. Whether it's sooner or later, it's definitely going to happen. So that excitement, that hopefulness, that makes you feel motivated to plan your meals, maybe do some meal prep and make time to ensure that you have the food that you need in the house before.

The end of the day, when you go to the fridge and you look and there's nothing but leftover pasta, right? Which is an exception and maybe something that's not part of your protocol. So it makes it easier when you're feeling all of this excitement, right? It makes it easier to say no to second helpings, even if the food tastes delicious, to allow cravings for those foods that call your name, those highly palatable foods.

And of course it also helps you allow more physical hunger And stop when you've had enough, which we know are essential skills to allowing your body to release weight. Whether it comes sooner or later, that goes away. You habituate to it. What now? Instead of using self loathing or excitement, I want to offer some other sources of fuel and some strategies to call this up when you need it most.

Like when those cookies or chips are calling your name, because we know that can be so hard and I really want to encourage you not to white knuckle it and have some strategies to do instead. Instead of relying on. These emotions as your fuel, excitement, self loathing. I want to invite you to learn how to cultivate a quality.

Now, what do I mean by quality? A quality is a way of being that emanates from you and influences your behavior, right? So maybe you can think of somebody, a celebrity or something, and they just emulate that. Like I'm kind of, I don't know why this person's coming to my mind, but that entertainer singer pink, she just like emanates confidence.

It's just like so self assured. So it's something that you can develop more of and that if we had this as a bigger part of who we are, then it just makes taking action easier. So what are some examples? So some examples of qualities are focus, power, patience. Enoughness, determination, and of course commitment, which is what we're focusing on here.

But I offer those other ones because really, whether it's commitment or any other quality that you feel called to, that's the one. We don't need to feel positive all the time, but if we can get to neutral, that will be enough to do all the things we need to do to release extra weight. All those boring, small, mundane, tedious things.

accessing a quality within you like this, like commitment in those, you know, what I think of as white knuckle moments will really help you stay calm so that you can allow that moment to pass without eating whatever it is. So qualities are neutral, meaning you don't have to be in a good mood. to access it.

They are excellent sources of fuel to take action. So you get to decide for yourself what will be accessible, what kind of quality that stands out to you that will be accessible, even when it gets hard. So here's an exercise you can do to call that up, to cultivate that quality, that fuel source, that quality as a driver.

Whenever you need it, like when hunger is really intense or you're feeling physically full, but you just want more or in those times when you're really just feeling out of control around food and it's just like feels like You're acting against your own will around a certain food. You just want it These are the times.

Okay. So let's use the quality of commitment as an example. Think of something in your life that you are already really committed to. It could be your marriage, taking care of your dog, taking care of your child. Or if you have, you know, children, it could be your work, your employees or your team. Finishing a project that matters to you.

It's really meaningful. It could be something as simple as tending to your garden. You're committed to that or taking care of your elderly parents who need a lot of support. It doesn't matter what it is. It just has to be something that you show up for, even when you don't particularly feel like it. Okay.

So you're not excited about it anymore. You're not excited about it, but you show up, you do what you said you were going to do. You're committed. You do what needs to be done. My dog is 18 years old. And I got the years mixed up. So I've been saying he's 18 for a couple of years. When he's 18, you kind of lose track of how old he is.

And I've had him since the beginning. And when I first got him, when he was like 12 weeks or whatever it is that you get the puppy, I was so pumped. Anytime I could take him out for a little walk or, you know, do fun things with him. And he has long, he's a small dog. He's only like 10 pounds, but he has really long legs.

And I would take him for jogs. We would run together. Now it's like, It's a little different, right? So I still take him on the walks and he has some like bladder control issues at this point. So we have to put out PMATs every night. I'm not excited about this at all, but I am committed. It's that sense of like, I'm committed to this dog, right?

So I put out the PMATs, we go for walks, that kind of thing. So, think of something, if you have something in your mind, now if you can, see if you can connect to that sense of commitment in your body. You may have to try to do this a few times if this kind of thing is newer to you. So just be patient with yourself, okay?

But see if you can feel something shift even slightly, just recalling that sense of commitment that you have to whatever example that you can think of. So you might feel a little calmer. You might feel a little more grounded. You might feel kind of a solid feeling in your chest or your torso. The more you can connect with that feeling, that physical sensation.

in your body, the more you are training your brain to identify it, okay, to notice it, and then be able to call it up. So it can also really help if you assign a gesture to it, like a hand movement, something like that. It's just a way of moving your body that for you is really a like an embodiment of that quality.

Okay. It's, it's a signal for your brain that this is what this, this is an example, or this is a demonstration of that quality for you. Then whenever you feel that way, so you feel really committed, you can do that little gesture. And then also whenever you want to call up that feeling or that quality of being committed, then you can also practice that gesture and it will help your brain and body solidify that as a connection.

Okay. So it's a way to teach yourself how to experience this quality on demand. So the invitation really is just teach yourself how to call up that quality whenever you want so that you can access it when you really need it most. It's very hard to stop doing something without doing anything else, without having something to replace it.

So we need to move into action and give our. Brain something to do. That's why those things are effective rather than focus on not eating, not eating the thing. We need something positive and specific to focus on to move toward. This makes it relevant and effective rather than saying, like trying to remind yourself of this, like long distance goal.

That's way off in the future. An example is like, you know, a common one you've probably heard a million times, which is don't think of pink elephants. You can't not think of that as soon as I say it, right? But if I say, think of dolphins swimming in the sunshine, you got it. It's in your head. So your quality can be that for you.

It gives your brain something to do that will help you get out of the discomfort of white knuckling your way through when you just want it. And then of course, eventually your brain will habituate to that, as we know about habituation and you'll want to explore a new quality, but it's all very fun. It can be very fun.

So again, it's the small actions that you take, like the commitment that you cultivate or any other quality that's not big and flashy, but that's the unseen work, the unseen labor, as I say, right? So. It's doing that more often than not. That will guarantee you release the weight. So let me know what you think of this.

What's your quality. Have you, is it going to be commitment or is it going to be something else that speaks to you? Just send me, let me know. I'd love to hear it. So send me a DM on Instagram. Of course you can find me at mindful underscore shape or simply respond to one of my emails. I'll get it directly.

And if you are not on my email list, I'll What are you doing? Sign up, sign up so that we can connect. And also, I just want to say, a few of you have been reaching out to me. to the podcast with some of your results and I always have time for that. So I know that oftentimes you think like people you listen to, they're like so busy and they don't have time to read emails from you.

I have time. Okay. I won't make time. Because I love hearing, especially when you're saying like, this is shifted for me, right? So some of you have said, you know, you've lost 20 pounds. Like that's incredible. Just from listening to the podcast. So I just want to acknowledge all of you who are out there who have reached out to me and let me know, and all of you who are out there and you're just like doing the unseen work, right?

You're just doing it, implementing the process. I just want to acknowledge you. I really appreciate you. And if you feel inspired to let me know what's going on, let me know. I just always love to hear it. So it's always very fun for me. Okay. That's what I have for you. I will talk to you again soon.