Ep. 72 Slipping Back Into Diet Mentality

Hi, and welcome to the Mindful Shade Podcast. I'm Paula Parker and I'm a life and weight loss coach. Let's talk about diet mentality. First, I'll just let you know kind of how I think about it. I think about it as that all or nothing mentality where you are either on a diet and eating healthy, eating the way you want to eat or off.

And then you're more likely to be eating all the things and Just eating kind of whatever you want whenever you want in whatever quantities you want in the moment I also think that this is often combined with that stereotypical strategy to weight loss Which is you know eat less and move more which we all know does not work, right?

It's very relevant this time of year We're into the new year and often people are setting resolutions and they are thinking this is the year that I really want to you know have my dream body or reach my Wait, that I never thought I could reach that kind of thing. Which is great. I am all for setting those kinds of goals.

Obviously I'm a coach that helps people do that, but oftentimes we can be really tempted by quick fixes or what somebody else is doing or kind of like shiny object syndrome a little bit of, okay, I just want to. Get success immediately and so I can gain some momentum. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get this weight off rapidly, right?

So we're kind of in a rush. There's a bit of a, some rush energy. It often can happen to when we've been feeling like we're doing all the things that we need to be doing and we're expecting the scale to go down and it doesn't. Or it's been the same for a few weeks. So then you're feeling maybe disappointed or discouraged or defeated because you're thinking, I think I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing.

Why isn't it working? Then we can start getting a little bit desperate. It's kind of that graspy energy. So you know that you're there with diet mentality when really food and your weight. Is at the forefront of your life. So when it's taking up a ton of mental real estate, that's when, you know, you're in diet mentality, because my belief is that weight loss and food and all of this really should just be in the background.

It doesn't need to be at the top of your mind all the time. Even when you are, say you're in a coaching program, say you are really working on this goal, even then it does not have to be. In the foreground of your mind. So let's talk a little bit more about how, what I see when I notice that diet diet mentality is showing up for people and even what I've noticed in myself as well.

So oftentimes what we will do is focus on tactics versus the big picture. So big picture is more what I've referred to as like your North side. star or your compelling reason for doing this. It's what's most important to you. Oftentimes we will lose sight of how we want to do it and just focus on that number.

So it's kind of like we're doing it at any cost, at a cost to ourselves. Versus okay, yeah, I do want to reach that number on the scale, but I also want to do it in a certain way. I also want to do it in a way that feels supportive, that feels kind to me, whatever it is. So that's your North Star, right? It's your big picture of like more of like why you're doing this because you want to be at peace with food.

You want to feel in control. You want to be able to trust yourself, that kind of thing. It's bigger than just the number. But again, when we are in diet mentality, it's all about the tactics. It's all about, okay, what do I need to be eating? What is the exact food that I need to be eating to release weight?

What do I need to avoid? And we're. really honed in on more of the strategies, methods, tactics without the big picture. The second thing is we can kind of fall back into that trap of less food equals more weight loss. Okay. So you might be falling into this trap. If you start measuring your food instead of listening to your body cues, if you are consciously reducing your portions again, instead of listening to your body.

Or you are trying to eat less in general. You think that's going to really help you if you're just eating less and less and less, and that's the focus, right? So if you are turning to low calorie or fat free or artificial sugar substitutions, then you're likely doing it because you think that less is more when it comes to weight loss and you, again, you're just not listening to your body because you, oftentimes we don't trust our bodies, right?

The other one that's really tied into this is calorie counting. So you'll know that if you look at any kind of processed foods, any kind of manufactured foods, the biggest number on the label is the calorie number, right? That's what you see at the very top. And it's also what food manufacturers want you to focus on, right?

Because then they can make a food that is low calorie and then you will be more enticed to buy it if that's how you are measuring the how good that food is for you, right? So And all this to say, if you love thinking of food this way, if it really serves you to count calories and keep track of calories, meaning you're getting the results that you want on the scale, and you are very neutral about calories and the math, like you really just see it as information and it's very helpful for you in terms of making decisions around food.

And again, you're feeling great. You're feeling energized. You feel good after you eat and you're releasing the weight you want, then by all means, You might want to continue tracking calories and looking at food that way. So who am I to tell you to stop doing that? If that's working for you, right? If you have zero drama about it, then keep going.

If you've been counting macros, if you've been counting calories for months or even years, and you don't like doing it. Right. If you really got true to yourself and you were like, I don't actually like doing this and you aren't releasing the weight that you want and you're feeling any kind of pressure around what number to hit that day or macros to hit that day or to eat in a calorie deficit, then you, and you don't, or you're using that as your North star, you're not using how your body feels.

Just know that it is possible. To reach your weight loss goals without doing that. And I say that because I think often we're just doing these things because we think there's no other way. We think that we can't trust our bodies and that this is the only way to getting what we want so that we have to do it this way to get what we want.

I used to think that way too. And so that's why I was doing it. Not because it was fulfilling to me, not because it was really serving me and I was getting results. We just think it's the only way. So just FYI. It is not. If you hate it, you don't have to do it. Okay. So in my experience working with people, calorie counting typically has more of a negative impact than a positive one.

So just keep that in mind. If you're struggling there, know that it's very common. Okay. It's simply just not the most effective tool in your toolbox. It's one, but it's not very effective. And The reason it's not effective makes sense when you know the origin of the calorie for measuring food. So the original definition was the quantity of heat needed to raise the temperature of a kilogram of water from zero to one degrees Celsius.

That's where the calorie came from. So it originated in studies concerning fuel efficiency for the steam engine. Okay. And then it entered in dictionaries by 1840. And the only reason it became popular was because it was the only energy unit in English dictionaries available for people to study food, to write articles on food and use it in tables of food composition.

So nothing in there is about optimizing fat loss or nutrition. or your overall well being. Now sure, taken to extremes, it makes sense. For example, you eat 5, 000 calories a day, you'll gain fat on your body, you'll gain body mass. If you eat 500 calories a day, you'll lose body mass, right? But for most of us, We don't live in those extremes.

We're more concerned with how can we optimize fat loss? Yes. And eat to nourish our bodies, to enjoy our food, to feel energized and feel the way we want to feel and not have to be thinking about food all the time. So, for example, eating 1500 calories, you might be eating at a deficit. You might be saying, yes, this should be working, I'm eating at a calorie deficit, but depending on what you're eating, the types of foods you're choosing, and when you're eating, either it's not optimized in terms of how you feel energetically, you may not be feeling satiated after you're eating, and your glucose could be spiking.

all throughout the day so that you're not using your fat stores. You're really training your body to continually be hungry because you're always using glucose as your primary source of fuel. Not to mention the inaccuracy of having to try and calculate the calories of every restaurant meal or food that's made for you.

I know when I was doing the. macros for a while. That was a big obstacle. It's like, I don't actually know what the macros are of this meal. Right. And that can be really frustrating. All of that to say, if it's not working for you, you don't need to do it. Okay. So the next one is you'll notice you're in diet mentality.

If you are giving yourself permission to overeat, overindulge planning on restricting or getting back on track tomorrow, I've talked about this numerous times, very common. Obviously that is a red flag for I'm in diet mentality. Okay. And then the last one is if you are thinking, okay, well I'm going to overeat and I'm just going to work out harder tomorrow, I'm going to exercise more.

You're thinking of exercise as a punishment or using it to try to compensate for overeating. Again, this just aligns with that calories model, which is like energy in energy out, is just not the full picture and not the most effective way of releasing weight. Why is diet mentality a problem? So it's actually not a problem if you are aware of what's going on and you are doing these things consciously and you're really just deciding to give yourself some grace because you know that you are still learning.

So you understand that there's an alternative to this approach. Your brain just hasn't caught up yet. So you haven't fully built up your capacity at doing these kinds of skills, the kinds of skills I talk about in weight loss, which is like planning awareness, allowing some hunger, allowing urges to pass, and then doing reflecting and strategizing in a way that supports you.

And so if this is you, you're aware of all that, you simply need to cut yourself some slack and continue to practice this skill or these skills. So I'm kind of thinking of those of you who maybe I've worked with before. Okay. So I'm talking to you. If you are finding yourself going back to some of your older ways, it's not a problem.

You know what to do and you just need to be kind to yourself and know that, Oh, I'm actually maybe not where I thought I was in terms of this mentality game. But I know what to do and I can get back there and I can continually build on those skills. Maybe you have a foundation, but you want to build if that's not you.

And if diet mentality is just your normal, that's the only kind of way that you know about doing this. Other than what you've learned on the podcast, it's likely creating a lot of emotional turmoil without any positive long term fat loss. So I've talked about over desire before, you're probably accelerating and increasing that over desire, your tendency to turn to food.

Which is just increasing your food drama. It also really enforces that duality in your thinking that feeling out of control and it leads you to overindulging and overeating versus healthy, responsible level of indulgence, which. You only can know, right? So, you know for yourself when it's a level of indulgence that feels good to you, it feels healthy, or if you kind of know in the back of your mind, there's something off here, like this does not feel right.

This is not an appropriate amount of food or it's not an appropriate amount of this type of food for me, right? So again, I really feel like you know in your heart when it's out of alignment for you or not. And then lastly, I think this is my last point about why it's a problem to be in diet mentality.

It really amplifies that good and bad. Okay. So where it becomes a morality issue. So when I eat this way, I'm good. When I eat this way, I'm bad. When I'm bad, then I deserve to be punished by continuing to overeat or heavily restrict. Okay. So again, we want to get out of that. Good or bad when it comes to food and then lastly it's that all or nothing thinking that creates the pain It creates a self loathing and we become hyper focused on our weight and our food That becomes at the forefront of our mind And of course what we practice we get really good at so we get more of that It becomes a superhighway in our brain, which eventually leads to our habitual way of being and our self concept so Why is diet mentality bad?

It's not that like it's bad, but it is a problem because the more often your brain goes there, the more often it is likely to go there in the future too, and then that becomes your self concept. Okay, if you are currently there, If you are recognizing all those things that I'm saying, and you're like, yes, yes, yes, I totally recognize my brain is going there, or you're just thinking, yeah, my brain does tend to do this.

It's not currently there, but it will go down that path every once in a while. Here's three things you can do. One. Just acknowledge it's totally normal, totally normal for this to happen from time to time, especially if you're new to more of a like a holistic or mindful approach to food and body. Okay. So especially in the beginning, just know it's totally normal.

Don't feel less than because this is happening, right? It's also a big part of our culture in North America, at least. And I suspect in Europe as well, is this diet culture is very normalized overindulging during the holidays and then going off sugar. That's very common, right? It's very normal to do that.

Imagine if instead of someone saying, Oh, you know, I really shouldn't be eating this, but it's just so delicious. And you know, you only live once. We've all heard that. Maybe we've even said that before, right? This is totally normal. You hear it all the time. Imagine that instead they said, wow, my brain is really wanting pleasure right now because it remembers how good brownies taste and it wants immediate pleasure above anything else right now.

Also, I'm planning on restricting myself after the holidays, which is triggering loads of psychological dread. Plus my body feels very unsafe. Because it remembers all that deprivation that I've done in the past, and it remembers not being listened to, and it's afraid that it won't get food when it needs it.

And that's why I'm going to eat all of these things, and likely, when you all go home and I'm alone by myself later, I'm going to eat even more. Right? That's the truth, but that's not normal to say or even think in our culture, right? We don't even think that way, even though that's a reality. That's what's actually going on.

So all that to say, totally normal. Okay. Number two is just. Keep things super simple. Okay, when you are trying to get out of this all or nothing thinking this diet mentality Go back to the basics You don't have to map out every detail of your weight loss plan and how you are going to get there in this moment So what is the next best step you can take that will get you closer?

Focus on that one thing in that one thing alone. Here's what I recommend That I have found super helpful for me and my clients is that you just make one decision, which is you decide that you won't eat again until you are physically hungry. And then you basically just drink some water until then, right?

But you're not going to eat again until you are really physically hungry. That's just a promise. Just a commitment that you make to yourself one decision, and that's all you have to focus on. Then you just go about living your life. So note that this might not be as easy as it sounds because. of all the self loathing that we typically want to get into about what's been happening.

So this may require you to feel deeply some emotions that you'd rather not feel, but you can do that. And then number three is just get really clear on what success looks like for you. What do I mean by that? That is likely more than just a number. It's more than your next five pounds for many of us.

It's the weight loss. Yes, of course, but it's bigger than that. I mentioned this in the beginning of this episode. It's not thinking about it all the time and feeling like you're in a mental prison with food and your weight. It's not at a cost to you, but when we slip into diet mentality, we lose sight of that.

It's all about that number. It's all about we weren't eating the way that we want to eat, right? And we're just so focused on that. When we're in diet mentality, it really is at a cost to us. Reaffirm for yourself how you define success and just Broaden that scope from just a number. So what else matters to you?

Maybe it's releasing weight in a way that's kind to yourself. The one that feels sustainable, one that feels nurturing, that feels like you're being energized throughout the process, right? Or that you're learning throughout your process. Maybe you're deepening your connection with yourself. Then what's the next best step that you can take towards making that a reality.

So don't get lost in the weeds and all of the tactics zoom out. Take a deep breath and decide what you want this to be about for you, how you want to do it this time. And one last note here, if this is something that you notice about your personality that you do, like you slip back into diet mentality often, and you are just sick of it, like you're just sick of yourself in that way.

Right. As you take on a more mindful approach to weight loss rather than a quick fix, you will inevitably uncover parts of yourself, aspects of your personality or habits that you don't like. Ones that make you cringe. I recently had an experience in which I had this where I just acted in a way that really made me cringe after.

You know, when you just reflect and you think that wasn't the real me, that's not how I want to show up. I was out of alignment there with. It's just, for me, it's a tendency to act small or diminutive or to maybe overemphasize my uncertainty. Right? That kind of play small. And while it's happening, it's like almost an out of body experience, like I can see it happening.

I can see myself doing it. But it's like, I can't stop it. It's like, kind of like I'm out of control. Right? So I suspect this is a fawn trauma response. If you're familiar with the fight flight freeze fawn. But anyway, it's something about myself that I really don't like. And if I could wave a magic wand for it to be gone, I would, but here's the thing.

What I've decided is that I'm not hating this part of myself, rejecting that part of myself that makes me cringe. It only makes me ruminate on it even more if I can neutralize it. So for this example, what I did in my self coaching was, okay, what actually happened? Well, I said words, I made gestures. It was a conversation with people that neutralizing it like that just softens it for me a little bit, right?

It takes down the charge and then secondly, even though you know, it still kind of makes me cringe I can lean into accepting this part of my personality at this moment in time It doesn't have to stay this way. I can change it, but there's no rush. I don't need to eradicate it immediately I can be okay with having it and not really liking it, okay?

I can include it when I accept myself rather than reject myself. So you might be dealing with something like, you might be binging, right? You might binge sometimes or you might say you're going to do something and then you don't do it. Whatever it is that you don't like about yourself that kind of makes you cringe, see how you can neutralize it.

So, for example, the word binging has a, an emotional charge. What is the truth of it really? What are the facts? The facts are you put food in your mouth. That's it. Really? You put food in your mouth. And secondly, you have time to work on this. Just notice that that might allow your shoulders to drop just enough to not feel so panicked about wanting to change everything about yourself.

All at once. Notice how it makes that all or nothing, not quite as appealing, less of the only option. All right, let's summarize three things to do when you notice that you are in diet mentality or it's creeping up again. One, don't beat yourself up about it. It's totally normal to keep it super simple.

What's the one next step you can take? I give the example of eat when you're physically hungry next. It's the next step. Number three, really define what success looks like for you at this point, at this stage, right? It's likely going to be beyond just the number on the scale. And then I said three things, but there's actually a bonus one, which is just remind yourself that there's no rush.

Being not in a rush is actually the fastest way to release the weight. Okay, so if you are kind of down with this approach, if you like this kind of stuff, if you want to do some self coaching with your own brain to get yourself out of diet mentality, I really encourage you, if you haven't already, go to my website and just download my free resources.

When you sign up for that, you get access to a ton of information and exercises that you can really start doing to move out of diet mentality. If you want to try a different, more mindful approach to releasing the weight, but not just releasing it, right? Like keeping it off long term and dealing with when there are times in your life when you get super stressed or some big things happen in your life and you do notice that, okay, wow, I am kind of.

starting to overeat again, or I'm, the scale is going up, like what's happening? How do you course correct quicker and more often than how you might do it previously, which is more diet mentality, which is, Oh, I'm off. I'm just going to stay off for months or even years at a time. Okay. I hope that was helpful.

I hope you got something out of that. And if you have, as always, if you have any questions or anything, please reach out to me and I will talk to you again soon. Okay. Bye.