Ep. 73 Dealing With Disappointment

Hi, and welcome to the mindful shape podcast. I'm Paula Parker and I'm a life and weight loss coach. So we are going to be talking about disappointment today. So you have likely experienced some level of disappointment along your weight loss journey. And even if you are doing it for the last time, and you are really going to release the weight and reach your natural shape with this current attempt, You are likely still going to experience some disappointment.

So I want to equip you with the tools to be able to handle it. So in this episode, I'm going to talk about how it shows up and what to do about it. Okay. So first I really see disappointment occurring in two ways. One is where you're disappointed in yourself. And the second is where you are disappointed in what has happened in life.

Okay, so let's talk about that first. That's when we feel disappointed when our expectations don't match reality. And you might say, well, I didn't expect to see the scale go down today, but I hoped it would given that I've been doing all the right things. I've been doing all the things that I'm supposed to be doing.

That is an expectation in disguise. So it's the belief that if we do X, we are entitled. Two Y result. So we hoped that if we ate on protocol, we did all the things that we had planned to do, we would see the scale go down today. We expected it would, and we are disappointed. It didn't that's super simplistic, right?

But we can all relate to this. Now, sometimes you might say I'm disappointed in myself. This is guilt or shame. So I overate and I feel really badly about that. This can happen in really subtle ways too. Like just feeling really low, feeling kind of crappy, comparing yourself to others or saying, I shouldn't have eaten that.

Right. So guilt is I did something wrong about, you know, anything in this instance, what you ate. We experience shame when we think I overate. So I am wrong. There's something bad about me. I suck. I'm pathetic. That kind of thing. Right. We go down the shame spiral.

Why is this even a problem? Disappointment can lead to bigger problems because generally, the kind of overeating that really causes significant weight gain versus just maintaining your current weight is, it happens from the desire to continue to overeat because it's triggered by previous disappointment.

So, what I mean is If you have an extra serving here or there, you have an extra exception, your metabolism will take care of that. And you won't really store fat on your body. This is called metabolic flexibility and something you can increase with the right protocol, by the way. But even if you go up a little on the scale, you'll go right back down to your weight set point.

And if you're not familiar with how the weight set point works, just check out my episode number 19 called weight set point to understand this a little bit better. But what really adds on, you know, five pounds or more is when we have an extra serving, then we feel really disappointed in ourselves. We go into guilt and or shame.

And then we just keep overeating maybe the rest of the day or even days or weeks, right? So I'm sure you've noticed that even subtle disappointment in that number on the scale in the morning can lead to a day of overdoing it, of making more justifications to indulge, just to generally overeating.

It's often not. It's not really direct, although sometimes it is. I mean, sometimes you'll get off the scale and say, screw this. It's not working. I'm going to allow myself some indulgences, right? I'm going to just eat whatever I want today. I am so sick of the restriction, right? It's not even working anyway.

But most likely it's really subtle. So it's feeling disappointed, then thinking more negatively overall, being just less willing to plan ahead or track your progress, being less willing really to pay attention to what you're doing and what you're eating. So you're less willing to allow hunger. cravings or maybe get your workout in that day or move your body in a way that supports you.

So overall, you're just kind of feeling lousy and you turn to food as a pick me up. The end result of course, being that we overeat, we gain or we prevent our body from releasing weight. And this also explains, by the way, the phenomenon of post event eating. So I just coined that right now, that phrase post event eating.

It's not a real thing, but we can, we can get the concept of it. This is when you ate on your protocol during what should have been a challenge. You can think of something like going out for dinner or a vacation or a holiday. For some of us it's the weekend, it's the weekend eating or anything like that.

So you might experience some desire to indulge during these times, during these events, but you're able to ride it out, you're able to get through it without really overdoing it. But then what you notice is the days following that they're super tough. And that's when you find yourself overeating. I think this is likely and I think I've talked about this in the podcast before, but it's where your dopamine is just becoming calibrated in your brain, right?

Where your dopamine was high. During the event. And then to rebalance it dips lower and you experience this as like a low mood or heightened disappointment in either life or yourself or what's happening on the scale. Okay. So what do we do about this inevitable disappointment? Number one is first, you just want to acknowledge it.

Sometimes we get disappointed. This is not the end of the world, okay? It's not a good enough reason to throw in the towel, derail all your efforts. It's really important that you know this. When it comes to that number on the scale, when it comes to releasing weight in general, there are many factors at play.

Remember, this is a process, right? It's a natural process that your body is undergoing. Fat loss is an energy conversion process. So fat leaves the body either as carbon dioxide when you exhale, so you breathe it out or as water through your urine or sweat. This process, this energy conversion process, is not instantaneous.

Okay. And it doesn't happen overnight. Literally. It can take anywhere from four to even 10 days for this process to fully go through that for that process to take place. Okay. So just because that number on the scale is the same as yesterday or even seven days ago, it actually doesn't mean that nothing is happening.

It doesn't mean it's not working or what you're doing is not working. Your body is a living organism. And things in nature do not move linear, they move up and down, they move side to side, they move diagonally, there's acceleration and de acceleration, what's that word? There's also pauses and there's jumps.

Weight loss is the same. But, that all aside, even if you know that, you're like, logically, yep, that all makes sense and logically I know that. Say you You already know that, but you experience disappointment. So you find you are being disappointed all the time. Let that be okay to allow for at least some disappointment on your way to your natural weight.

And when I say allow, I really mean it. So let that be allowed. Okay. Let there be some disappointment along the way. Let that be one of the feelings that you're going to allow to be a part of your experience. Number two is really zoom out and look at the broader picture. So our goal is not to eradicate disappointment immediately, but you'll notice that as soon as you acknowledge that you are feeling disappointed, You'll notice that you'll say, okay, I am a little disappointed.

It just lightens it up. It creates some space, right? As long as you're not resisting it. And you're like, yeah, okay. I'm feeling kind of disappointed. I'm feeling kind of bummed out today. Cause the scale didn't go down and I was hoping it would, I was expecting it would, and it's not. If you say, yeah, okay, that's going to be okay too.

I can just allow that to be here. I can hold some space for myself. I can feel a little bit sad about this. It just, yeah, it really lightens the load. Then from that place, clean that up. Then you can take a look at, well, what else is going on here? So be realistic about what progress means. We can get very myopic.

I think that's the right word. We're super, super, super highly focused about that number on the scale or how our clothes are fitting today, or even what we're eating and whether it's right or not. So what are you telling yourself right now about your progress? Are you beating yourself up because you overate a little yesterday or didn't do your workout?

Right? Sometimes it can happen in very subtle ways. This is what I always do. I can't seem to stick to things. Those are kind of the thoughts that you're having about yourself. And if you're disappointed, it's an indication or likelihood that you're ignoring where you are winning at the process, where you are making some progress.

So where did you follow through? Where did you course correct? Where did you drink enough water? Where did you get in your 15 minute workout? That's often sometimes what I'm doing is just literally 15 minutes. That's what I have time for, right? So instead, give yourself some credit for the effort that you're making.

Just ignore that number on the scale for a second and just point your focus toward your small wins. Make your brain find something and also consider this. What do you value most in life? The things that came really easy or the things that took some effort. that took some real work on your part where you fell over and over and got back up.

So the harder it feels to you right now, the more disappointment you have right now, the sweeter it will feel when you get what you want. Okay. So I think that's probably, you know, for me, one of the reasons that I really enjoy, enjoy what I do right now. And I enjoy my work so much because. I I started working in kind of admin type corporate jobs right after university.

And then I spent over a decade in jobs like that. And they were always enjoyable at first, like maybe the first six months were like pretty good. And then inevitably they always felt really disappointing. And I, I didn't like them or I didn't get a lot out of them. So now that I have my own business and I get to create the things that I want to create, and I'm able to make the decisions, I'm in full control over the people that are in my world, right?

People that I work with now today, that's clients and not colleagues. I just don't take that lightly. It doesn't mean I don't have challenges. And challenging times for sure, but I can appreciate it. Right. I can even revel in it because I know I have that lived experience of the contrast. I know what the alternative is like for me personally.

Right. So, and obviously this goes for the food stuff too. So I was just talking to my husband just before this call or sorry, just before this podcast, actually just about how I'm just so, so thankful that I don't have all of that mind drama anymore. It's not taking up a big part of my thinking and all that disappointment that comes with that about my weight, all that, that I used to have.

And if you are going through that right now, I get it. It sucks. Okay. I see you. I really want to support you and I want to help you get out of that. Okay. So. Once you've acknowledged your disappointment and maybe just hung out there for a little while had a little self pity party for a few hours Then you take inventory of what is working.

What is going? Well, the last step is to get curious I recently heard a podcast with Lisa Feldman Barrett and She is the emotions neuroscientist. So look her up if you haven't already. She said curiosity is the most undervalued Emotion, which just really struck a chord with me because in coaching, it's all about being curious about what's going on.

So as a coach, you're constantly cultivating curiosity with what's going on for this client, what's going inside their heads. You're not making assumptions. That's what our human brains do. That's what it does naturally. Right? We make assumptions. We're trying connections and coming up with theories, but really when you're a coach, your goal is to be as curious as cultivate as much curious curiosity as possible.

Okay. So when you get curious from a clean place, meaning you're still, you're not feeling guilty or shameful or resenting things or yourself, or you're angry at yourself, then you give yourself the gift of creating. Strategy, strategy that actually will work. So you can look at the last few days or the last couple of weeks and say, okay, my weight has stayed the same.

What might I try given what I've been doing the last little while? This is where we want to take a look at tactics. change up when, what, or how much you're eating. You might want to focus on clearing the glucose from your blood faster so that you go into fat burning mode sooner. Okay. So if you were curious about doing that, I really recommend the book Glucose Revolution.

I'll put that in the show notes for you. It's just an easy read and it has a lot of great tips and a lot of really good information in a way that's just. It's really easy to understand. You can also follow her, the writer. Her first name is Jessie and I can't remember her last name. It's kind of, it's French.

It's hard to say for me, but you can find her on Instagram. She is glucose goddess. So check her out there. She has lots of good stuff there. But ultimately it really boils down to this. If you don't want to follow her and you don't want to get the book, just listen to this. Okay. And by the way, I will have a freebie with all of these tips, all of these tactics on there for you on my website, so you don't have to be furiously writing notes.

You will get all of these and a whole bunch more that I'm going to add in a little rev up fat burning freebie for you. So you can find that on my website in the free resources section and that's mindful shape. com. Okay. So how do you get into fat burning mode sooner by clearing the glucose from your blood?

Take a little walk after your meal. So after you eat, it doesn't have to be long. You can move your body even for 10 minutes. Another thing is 10 to 30 minutes before you eat, especially when you are going to be eating flour or sugar, drink a glass of water with one tablespoon of apple cider vinegar. You can also use fresh squeezed lemon juice or lime juice.

That helps too, but you just have to do a lot more. So you have to do like three tablespoons, which has the same effect as one tablespoon of apple cider vinegar. But you'll notice for many of us that apple cider vinegar doesn't taste so great. It's not, it's not super nice tasting. But I, I have found, so I've been doing it myself and I do find that you get used to it.

And where, when I first started drinking it, I had a bit of an aversion to it. I actually don't mind it now. Now it's like not a big deal at all. So you will get used to it. The other tip is to not eat any kind of simple carbohydrate like bread or anything like that without fat and protein. I think most of us know that, but it doesn't hurt to mention another one that I found really helpful is when you are buying anything manufactured, processed, like store bought items, when you check the label, see if there's at least one gram of fiber for every five grams of total carbohydrates.

So that will ensure that you are offsetting that glucose spike with fiber, which is really important. Okay. And then lastly, you can eat your meal in an order that will help. I think if I remember correctly, I think this helps with the emptying of your stomach, which also is aspect of Ozempic, that weight loss drug, which is.

Kind of interesting, right? I think I could be wrong. So if you read the book and you're like, no, she got this mixed up. I may have, I may have totally got this mixed up, but one of the tips from the book is to eat your meals in an order where you eat the vegetables first, then you eat protein and fat. And then lastly, you eat the starch and grain and or fruit.

Now sounds super simple. Sounds super easy. I personally found this a lot harder. Then you'd think, okay, so I think that's just because when I'm having a meal, I kind of want to have a little bit of each thing, right? So I don't really want to eat all my vegetables first. I don't want to eat in order like that.

So if you are similar, what you can do instead is just have a few veggies before you have your meal, or you can have a salad, especially with some apple cider vinegar dressing or any kind of vinegar dressing. That will also help. So just have the salad first and then have your meal. If you don't want to.

be super, super strict about eating it in that order. Okay, so again, don't worry about writing all that down. You can find this printed in one of my freebies on my website. I just wanted to mention also, as I wrap this up, I have something coming up that I Can't really tell you too much about right now because I'm just in the initial stages of putting it together, but be sure that you're on my email list so that you will get all of the details for that.

You can do that by sending me a message over Instagram just send me a DM, or really you'll just be added automatically when you sign up for any of the free resources and this fat burning, what did I call it? Rev up fat burning PDF that I'm going to add to my free resources. Okay. That is it for me, I hope this was helpful, we dealt with both of the mindset around let's just accept there's going to be some disappointment, right, and make some space for that, process that, and also, what can we do to strategize, to really optimize fat loss so that we are getting the results that we want to see, right, that's what this is all about.

Okay, I'll talk to you again soon, bye.