Ep. 70 This is Your Time - Marilyn's Story

Paula: Okay. Thank you so much for doing this today. My first question really is what prompted you to reach out for coaching? 

Marilyn: I had already seen so many results just from following your, your tips and advice and reassurance. And, and I think I had lost. I want to say 25 pounds already. So I, I figured if that's just following the podcast, let me see what this is about.

And so I figured I'm just going to schedule a call, see what happens. I was on a waiting list for a little bit, but after that, you quickly got back to me and, and yeah, it's, it's been great. 

Paula: So at that point did you have a specific goal in mind in terms of weight loss? 

Marilyn: Yeah, absolutely. When I, well, I guess when I started listening to you, to your podcast, just to give you some more context, I wanted to lose about 70 pounds.

I had my, my, my youngest boy was my son, my baby. He was about eight months. And so I had gained some weight from the pregnancy, but actually had gained weight before the pregnancy. So I had a lot of weight I wanted to lose. And that was the first thing I wanted to lose weight, but I did have a lot of other concerns.

I had a lot of issues with sleeping, mood regulation; I just wasn't feeling very confident and there's a lot of things going on. And I knew that It was all stemming from not managing my emotional eating very well and, and how I felt within my body, my relationship with my body and myself and relationship with food for sure.

Paula: Yeah. Okay. So you came in not only wanting to obviously release weight, but also heal your relationship with food. 

Marilyn: Yeah, for sure. I didn't know I needed to do that, but then I quickly realized after listening to your podcast that and the more I talked to you that that definitely was something that I needed to focus on first before even, you know, seeing the results on the scale.

Paula: What was challenging about that for you?  

Marilyn: Letting go of old habits was challenging because now I'm making changes that I want to implement for the rest of my life. And so when situations like, oh, let's go out to eat as a family or, you know, a vacation. You know, things like that, that normally, you know, would kind of bring me back to old habits or my old self.

I think that was a bit triggering. And so those were some challenges that I needed to overcome.  

Paula: And how do you think you overcame them? 

Marilyn: Well I think that honestly, just working with you and talking through those protocols and just, just staying consistent, like it didn't have to be this big deal, you know, the no drama around, around all of it.

It just goes back to, you know, the commitment that I, that I made that these are my protocols. And just as long as I do that, I'll be okay. And, you know, even if I follow my protocols 80 percent of the time, and I make the decision to have some exceptions while I'm on vacation or we go out to eat or whatever, but I am making the decision ahead of time. I'm being mindful about it instead of just letting the situation or my desire for food dictate what's going to happen. And it's not like, oh, I just had two servings and I'm like, wait, I feel terrible. I feel so guilty. It's more like, okay, I know I'm going to potentially want to eat this food that is not healthy for me or something like that. So what's my plan? What do I do in this situation? Then I can decide. But that's a big thing. That was a big thing for me to have more control over instead of letting food, my desire for food control me. 

Paula: So you were heavy on the decision making ahead of time and planning out what you were going to do.

How did you experience a lot of, as you said, desire in the moment, how did you deal with that when you did have cravings or when you did have any kind of desire to overeat?  

Marilyn: Yeah, I think for me it was having a backup plan. When we talked about a backup plan so you know I go to night school and then I have my schedule - it was changing all the time and different things would come up and so it's just more convenient to grab something on the go, whatever. But when we talked through those challenges, I realized I need to have a backup plan. So when I do have that craving, when I do have to eat out, I have something planned out. 

So what does that look like? Carrots and nuts with hummus and this or that.

[At first] I was like, What? I'm going to be starving. That's not enough,  you know, things like that. But I was so funny when I used to think like that, because one of my biggest fears was I'm going to starve to death. Like this is not enough  because my mind just wanted to eat so much more than my body really needed.

I'm sure you'll get to that question at some point. It was less, it was so shocking now when I look back. That is why I got to the weight that I was and why I was maintaining that weight. But I, my belief was, well, my body got used to this weight. Well, you know, I had a baby, so it makes sense.

And no, the thing is that I really, truly was overeating because I thought that I needed to eat all that food to feel satiated but that's not really the case.  

Paula: Was there anything that was actually easier about releasing the weight? 

Marilyn: Okay. So I've released 40 pounds. 

Paula:  It's amazing. So what, was there anything that was actually a little bit easier than you anticipated or expected or easier about your weight loss journey? 

Marilyn: Yes. I think everything was a lot easier than I was making it harder than it needed to be. I was making, I mean, I've lost 40 pounds and I wasn't even working out my whole life.

I thought I needed to work out. You need to exercise five times a week. You need to lift weights. You need to do this; cardio and I just, I didn't want to do it. I just refused. I'm like, you know what? I'm not doing it this time. Like, I just can't, I can't commit to all of that. I just didn't have the confidence. I didn't have the energy. That was the whole thing. I didn't have any energy. 

And so I lost 20 pounds without working out. And I said,  I was lied to this whole time! It was easier than I thought. And the beautiful thing about it becoming easy was that it was a relief.

Because I'm like, Oh, this is manageable. I can do this. And I've maintained it. In the past when I had lost weight, I was just gaining back right away. If I'd made any even small changes and it was challenging also sometimes when I used to work out so much, because since I hadn't addressed my issue with the overdesire for food.

I would work out and then I would want to eat more and I could only work out so much to burn all those calories. So  I realized even a few months into this, I started to work out and the scale went crazy. I just started to gain weight. And I noticed that I was going off my protocols and I was eating more because I felt hungry.

And I felt at that point that I wasn't ready to make any changes. I liked how it was consistent, and how I was losing weight. And I'm happy to say that I have gotten to a point where I have a confidence in myself and I'm okay with feeling a bit hungry. And I don't feel moody. I don't feel tired. 

And, I started working out and the first week was an adjustment. But I prepared for it and I had my backup plans and all of that. And now I'm working out four times a week and I have even more energy and I feel great. And I mean,  It's like my body needs it. It's great. It even motivates me to continue to work on, on the weight loss part. 

I'm not seeking it for the results of weight, but it's definitely motivating me more and giving me other great physical benefits. But now I'm enjoying it. And now I want to do it as opposed to, oh man, I have to drag myself to do that. And I sort of apply the same idea to working out: no drama.

It doesn't have to be so complicated, you know, just take baby steps. I started actually, it's kind of embarrassing to say, but I started exercising for five minutes at a time because I'm like, I can do five minutes. That's not a big deal. So I would do five and then I went to 10 minutes, then I went to 20 minutes and now I'm doing about 30 minutes, 45 minutes, four times a week.

Paula: That's amazing. I love that you shared that because it's like, that can be such a barrier for people as they think, Oh, I need to do an hour, five days a week or something like that when it's like, just start to start with something, whatever it feels like it can be manageable for you at that time.

And also, I love that you had so much self awareness along this journey of, okay, the weight loss and the food relationship with food is my number one. And you incorporated exercise and then thought, no, I'm not quite ready because I still have to get my mindset around what hunger feels like and establish more habits around my protocol.

And so then you eased back, refocused on following the protocol and all the emotional stuff that we talked about and then now you're at a point where like, okay, I've had enough traction.  I can incorporate this in so it's so amazing. Yeah, 

Marilyn: For sure. I think that sometimes we feel like we have to do this or we have to do that.

Because that's what we hear. That's what we have learned. But I've realized through this process that we can make our own rules and we know our bodies better than anybody. So I am not going to allow anything external to dictate what I do to feel healthy and feel good about myself. I'm going to do what I want to do-what feels right. And that gives me such a sense of empowerment and it actually motivates me to take action because I'm like, I'm in control. And I'm doing this for me. As opposed to being pulled in five different directions. Like, well, I guess I could do this. I could do that.

I mean, I remember eating a meal every two hours. And I remember thinking I'm trying to feed myself all this food and I'm not even hungry. I'm not even enjoying it. And it's so much work  with the meal prep. And so now, you know, with everything that I know, I've realized that I'm going to enjoy what I eat. I'm going to enjoy the process.

And all this flexibility I have, but also understanding of how I feel really makes me be more mindful altogether about many other things in my life, not just what I eat. And now that I've eased back right on, on all the pressure, all the, all the overthinking,  I'm not obsessing about food. I'm not really overthinking it so much.

And so. It's not a problem really. I mean, I can't say that I've overcome all my issues, but I mean, it went from like 10 being terribly, you know, controlling me to like, probably I'm like a two,  hardly even an issue. 

Paula: So amazing. Yeah and I love the authority with what you talk about that.

If there's anything that someone can take away, it's like, you get to be in control. Like you get to decide if something is not working for you. You said that, you know what, this is not working for my body. That might be good for you, but this is what I decide. This is how I want this to go for me.

Marilyn: And you know, when we talked about patience through this process, when we talked about goals and I really wanted to lose another, whatever, how many pounds and how many days, and, you know, at some point you had asked me, well, basically, what's the rush? So that really started to make me think like. 

I guess there's no rush. That's always what we want. It's like, I'm going to lose however many pounds in two weeks, three weeks. And you know what, you can set that goal, but like, what's the rush? Why be so impatient about the process? I mean do you want to keep the weight off for the next year or do you want to lose it in the next 10 days and then gain it back?

And that really put things into perspective. This is a long term life changing experience for me. So there is no rush. If I keep the same weight loss for two months, that's not a failure. That's a success that I've been able to keep the weight off as opposed to go back to gaining the weight.

So it's a positive thing. And it's a lesson learned to just be more patient, you know, 

Paula: That's so beautifully said. What do you wish other women would know when it comes to losing weight? 

Marilyn: So much to say about that, but honestly, we have to be ready.  We have to be ready to, to change our mindset because we're all at different timelines in life, you know, I don't know that I could have done what I did now, like,  two years ago. I think I was just ready to do something different.

And so I want anybody listening to this to know that. Don't try to find the perfect time because there isn't a perfect time. Just do one thing, just take baby steps. But I would say that - open your mind and your heart to the process. And if you're not ready, that's okay. You know, come back, come back at some point.

But I think even having that mindset of not being hard on yourself and having a bit more grace  with yourself will allow you to try something different  and to, hopefully change your mindset. Cause this has totally transformed my mindset. Forty pounds weight loss is amazing, of course, but funny enough, that's what I wanted - but what I've gotten the most, my biggest takeaway has been changing my mindset about, about my relationship with food.

Paula: Yeah. How would you describe that now?  

Marilyn: My relationship with food? And my body too. When I started this whole process, I was so angry. I was so angry. I was really furious with food because I love eating and I love cooking.

And it's always been such a big part of my culture and my family. And so I'm getting choked up just thinking about it, but yeah, it was, it was a source of so much pleasure and yet I felt so betrayed by it. But, you know, I realized that I just had  a toxic relationship with food. I was using it to cope as opposed to  a source of fuel for energy for my body to nurture me, to serve me. 

The food I was eating and the quantity I was eating, wasn't serving me so I was misusing it and so now it's  totally different because now I've realized that. Now it works for me as opposed to against me.

Paula: What skill set have you developed that you didn't have before where you needed the food to cope? And I love that word coping because we do turn to it to cope with our lives. What do you think you're doing now that's different? Like what skills maybe have you learned? 

Marilyn: You know, that's really interesting that you asked me that because I think that I've had a big mindset change, but in practicality, I've also made a lot of changes.

So, you know, I've got into doing big bowls of salads and that might not sound very appealing  to some people. It didn't sound appealing to me, eight, nine months ago, but, you know, now I'm like let me make this fun. What can I add to this bowl? Right. Okay. I'm going to add some spinach, some quinoa, some sweet potatoes, some chicken, avocado, heck have fun with it.

You know, put some lemon in there, more avocado oil, who cares? That's good for you. You know, don't overthink it. 

And if after I eat it, I'm still hungry. I'm still like at a seven out of 10 on the hungry level then I know that I need some more food, right? So I'm not going to restrict myself to just that salad bowl.

So let me make a smoothie, right? So I'll make a smoothie and add some fruit in there, some milk, and now I feel great. 

Paula: Yeah. So a lot of the choices that you're making around food are different now.

Marilyn: Yes, the choices are different and you know all the things that I mentioned that I put in my salad, I already have made in my fridge so I'm making it easier for myself. Some of the tools that I've learned are to plan better, to organize my fridge, to buy things and eat things that I enjoy, that tastes good, and also to be more creative with my food. So if I love eating tacos, but the tortillas don't love me very much. Like I feel fatigued when I eat a lot of flour and  foods that are heavy in gluten - I make a choice of not eating them or maybe I'll just eat one little tiny one and I'll start with a taco salad or maybe I'll take big leaves of lettuce and I'll wrap up everything in there.

Paula: And then when you started making those changes, I remember one of the biggest things that you noticed was you had so much more energy. 

Do you feel like that was like a ripple effect of having more energy, seeing results physically and then being able to be like, okay, I'm gaining momentum here. I don't need food to cope because I actually feel like I'm succeeding and I'm feeling more energy. I'm feeling more vitality. 

Marilyn: I think honestly the increase of energy definitely came from not eating those foods, those bad, bad, I call it bad foods.I know foods are not bad, but they don't serve me right. So when I cut out all these foods that either are high in sugar or flour I definitely felt better because when I would eat them, I would just feel like, Oh my God, I could take a nap. I'm so tired,  you know? And it just so happens that that also helped me not feel so hungry. 

You know your own body. And I could just, I could just tell, right. I could just tell. So I think that when I made those changes again, very much so. 

One step at a time because I had like four exceptions a week when I started and then it was three and then it was two and then you know, I took those baby steps and and I think that as I progressively made those changes, I physically felt better and that that gave me more energy and maybe it was a ripple effect where now I feel more motivated because I feel better.

I'm seeing all the results. I'm losing weight as well. But the weight loss was so small - not small, but I guess over the period of time. Half a pound in a week, nothing for two weeks, maybe a pound, you know, here and there. I think the first 30 pounds was a little bit more, probably faster.

I think that I just feel better. I feel more energized and more confident. I think that has continued to even motivate me to continue to take these steps and be consistent. So it's almost a full circle thing. 

Paula: And what I'm hearing too, what I always am telling people is focus on your wins in terms of the process and how you're feeling in your body, how you're feeling based on how you're eating versus relying on the scale to give you motivation and create that momentum.

Because as you say, you can go two weeks.  So if you're focused on, Oh, I'm actually just feeling more energized. I'm actually feeling so much better. That will help you until your body decides, okay, I'm ready to release the next half pound pound or whatever. 

Marilyn: Yeah. And Paula, that was one of the biggest lessons for me to learn. So funny because you know, I'm a coach myself and I'm in a different area and I coach this to my clients: to celebrate the wins, celebrate the small wins, enjoy the process, and I wasn't living that. without even realizing it. Because for me, the weight loss topic is, it was a different part of my life, but yet it was really dominating most of my concerns and my worries and my low self confidence and all these things.

And so I realized that these, these small wins. I didn't even see them as wins, right? I was like, what have I not accomplished yet? Versus wait, but what have I accomplished? And so honestly, just something as small as recognizing. Oh, wow. I can wake up easier in the morning. I'm not dragging getting out of bed. I feel lighter. I feel more comfortable. I don't have as many headaches or I'm sleeping through the night. You know, that's huge. That's huge. That's not even a small win. I think that's just like a huge accomplishment. So when I started to congratulate myself for that and realize I did that. I did that. That was very powerful. 

Paula: Yeah. I'm glad that you brought that in. Okay. What's next for you?

Marilyn:  I don't know what I'm going to do without you! I'm just kidding.  No, you've taught me so many good tools and you've given me so much support. I'm so ready now to do this fully on my own.

And I want to continue to stay consistent. I think that down the road I might experiment with other protocols and exceptions. So I feel really good about that. I am, you know, exercising more and I'm enjoying it. And so I'm excited about that too, just to have more fun with it. And, and yeah, that's what's next for me.

Just continue to do the work, be consistent. I I probably said that word like five times, but it's key, but it's so key. Just small steps and stay consistent and, you know, be surprised what happens in six months and a year. 

Paula: one of the questions I didn't ask you, which I normally ask - cause I feel like it came out in the call, but was, why were YOU successful?

I think one of the reasons is you were consistent. 

Marilyn: Yeah, I was. And you know what? The other thing that really helped me was to be vulnerable, honestly, because we got to a point where I felt really challenged by the process. And it was really hard for me to open up about my fears and my challenges with food and I'm getting emotional again. 

But yeah, it was so key for me to let you know how I felt and you did such a good job at,  you know, making me feel comfortable and reassuring me that we'll take this  where I want to take it. And so I accepted that you were going to ask me questions, tough questions, and I just had to go there.

I just have to open up, be vulnerable and go there and it worked out. I'm so glad. Cause if I had stopped the process there with you, I wouldn't have overcome and learned so many things. 

Paula: And that's a big thing that people talk about is like in a coaching relationship,  there's that element of, especially when it's one on one, right?

And as a coach yourself, you probably experienced this too - The ability to hold the space for people and so that they can, they can really lead the journey and  be vulnerable at their own pace.

Marylin: Absolutely. And you might be confronted - for anybody who's listening, you might be confronted with some very scary thoughts that you're not ready to face. But when you go through this process, this is your time to face those fears. This is your time to make those big changes if you're coping with food. This is the time for you to find out why and here's the thing: You don't have to tell Paula all your dirty little secrets or anything like that, right?

Paula: Yeah. I don't need details. 

Marilyn: You don't need to tell her all the details. But you can still, you know, lean in and trust the process and, and it'll work out. It really will. And you will do this. I did this. I didn't think I was gonna lose forty pounds. 

When I started listening to the podcast, I had seen several surgeons. I was going to get weight loss surgery. That's where I was at. I'm like, 70 pounds? This is impossible. There's no way I can do it. If I do it, I will have to enslave myself into the gym for seven days a week for two hours a day. I'll have to eat like…It was so terrifying. I'm like, I need something drastic and one way or the other or divine intervention - I don't know what you want to call it, I found her podcast and that was it. 

And of course, if you are on that journey to do that, more power to you. I'm not saying that's wrong. I was going to do that. I'm just saying you have more power, more control than you realize it. And you can tap into that. I promise.

Paula: Yeah. And you just haven't done it YET. You just haven't connected the dots yet because I'll share with you totally something similar. So I used to work at a medispa and so I got a lot - it was great - I got a lot of perks and a lot of free treatments when I was there. One of the treatments that they do is called cool sculpting where they basically freeze the fat off of you.

And I remember saying to my colleague, I was like, I mean, how many workouts… I'm not going to be able to get this like chubbiness off my legs without this. Like how many workouts am I going to have to do to get this off?! Like, this is my only option is to do this cool sculpting thing, which by the way, definitely do your research.

Cause it doesn't really work that well from personal experience.

And the mentality was like, I have to work out, I have to work this off, right? Which is just such an error in the way that you're thinking and how fat loss really works. Okay. We've gone over time, but thank you so much for being vulnerable, even in this chat and telling about your experience.

I think people really relate to you and get so much out of your amazing success story and ongoing success story. I'm super excited to hear when you reach your goal - natural weight - whatever goal that you achieve. 

Marilyn: I know, I'm excited. Thank you so much, Paula, for everything.

Paula: You're so welcome.